Relationships are HARD, yo!

It’s true. Relationships ARE hard … um, yo. It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or married or long-distance, dealing with another person (or people) while trying to live one life together with different personalities can be really, really challenging. Whether you love/fuck other people or remain monogamous, the grass can often appear so much greener on any other side compared to the one you’re on.

But is it really?

Go Deep

Think back to the last time you sat next to a stranger on a plane and started up a conversation. What did you talk about? Was it minor chitchat—small talk about the weather or the in-flight movie? Or did you dig deeper, into problems you were having with your fiancé’s family or a sticky situation at work? Which type of conversation do you think would be linked to your happiness?

Read the full article here.

Lights, Camera, An extra 10 pounds!

Don't mind this massive light as you cook dinner!

It has been a busy week and a half for Steph and I. On Sunday, May 30th we did an extra bit of filming for the documentary on modern marriage that we’re going to be in, I believe airing on CBC’s Doc Zone (next year sometime?), and last night we were interviewed for local sex show, Sex Matters.

Realizations: He IS In The Moment (ish)

I always fool myself into thinking that after the last epic conversation that Steph and I have, there won’t be anymore.

And every time I do that, I’m wrong.

Last weeks’ chat was a big one, and the focus was on sharing. Not of lovers, or bathroom time, but of our thoughts; what we’re thinking at any given moment. Over the years of being open I’ve found myself drawn to people who comment on the things they observe in life. Sometimes, like Don, they have amazing powers of observation and memory retention – (though I’m sure not always in his home life!!) and make me feel on top of the world by saying something they’ve noticed, or intuitively knowing the next move.

I’ve also seen first hand how others can react as Harvey once was taken aback and truly complimented when he understood how well I really knew him just by a few words that I said.

Sharing observations and thoughts about those around you and the world is important to me and it’s often gotten me down when Steph doesn’t do it. He appears to often live in a dum dee dum world, not being aware of the people around him. Turns out that isn’t the case, but there’s an absolute disconnect in what he’s thinking and what he puts out there.

I’m Not Unemployed … I’m a “Writer”

I suppose paper would help me write ...

Yes, that’s soon what I will be saying as June 2nd is my last official day at Interactive Ontario. 8 months ago I would have been over the moon to be leaving, regardless of having any other plans, but now this departure is bitter sweet. The organization has improved, and I have realized where my talents in event management / design and general awesomeness lie. Contrary to what I thought I would ever say though I am now open to working part-time with IO to do design / event management work in the future, or even occasionally while I’m doing other stuff, but for now? It’s time to follow my passion.

What is that passion? To finish writing Not Your Mother’s Playground: A Guide to Open Relationships for Everyday Folk. I’m about 140 pages in and have about 160 to go. As of right now, I don’t have a publisher, but I’m really hoping that as soon as I finish my publishing package (thanks Jenny Block for recommendations on how to complete this), I’ll be on my way to a book in hand. (And hopefully book signings with you lovely folk!!)

Why am I leaving a full time job to write a book?? Well, it’s been something I’ve wanted to pursue for so long. This thing has been in the works for over two years but I’ve been so mentally exhausted so often at my job that I haven’t been able to devote the writing, research and interviewing time to it that it so rightly deserves.

The point of the book is to guide regular people through not only open relationships, but regular ones as well. Using my personal relationship as an example (along with interviews with other couples), it’s meant to be a “Pick up and play” type book that anyone can read and gain insight from. My inspiration originally came from first opening up, almost 4 years ago, and discovering that all of the books out there, like The Ethical Slut, didn’t really speak to the modern couple / single exploring polyamory. They were written for hippies and people that believed that life is all flowers and bunnies, which is not the angle I’m taking.

I’m writing about things that you’ve probably seen in the blog. How not sending a text message can fuck things up. How breakups can go very badly. And also how things can be super awesome the very next day. Somehow Steph and I have made this work, and I want to share my experiences, not as an expert, but as a kindred spirit traveling the same journey that many of you are on.

The other books I HAVE read and love include Jenny Block’s: Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage and of course Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. I love both of these books and the women behind them are great souls who have been ever so kind to me on my journey. Jenny’s book reads as a biography with some tips and guide pieces thrown into it, and Tristan’s book is an excellent compliment featuring hundreds of interviews and in-depth discussions with couples exploring their own versions of open relationships.

Not Your Mother’s Playground is going to find itself somewhere in the middle. I want to tell my story to make the words that I write relevant, but I also want to take time this summer and get YOUR story which is why you should look for my calls for submissions that will be coming out! Leaving my job allows me to spend more time discussing not only my story but yours as well, and I hope you’ll join me on this journey. EAVB_ZILOAFZNXY

In addition to the book writing, I’m also looking into planning a sex and relationship conference in early summer of 2011. Event planning is an absolute passion of mine, and I’ll go as far to say I rocked the shit out of www.inplay2010.com the last couple of days. I want this event to be more than just a polyamory convention, or a sex show. I want great minds to come together and discuss modern communication, marriage, dating, swinging, kink, polyamory and so much more. A conference that invites all in and doesn’t focus on one specific type of relationship / sexual practice.

So … in a nutshell, that’s what’s up with me. I hope you’re as excited to read the book as I am to share it with you. If you happen to know a publisher that you can hook me up with? I’ll never say no to that offer. And if you’d like to contribute to either NYMP, the book or the conference next year (currently unnamed), you can email me at frasersamantha@gmail.com.

Kisses, hugs & licks.
Samantha

Through My Looking Glass

It’s been a while since I turned the mirror on myself for a little self-examination and I think I’m overdue so here goes.

Most of you already know. I’ve been in an open marriage for 3.5 years and it probably saved my relationship, or at the very least saved from a life of denying that I was unhappy when it truth I must have been when I think of how ridiculously happy I am now. (I mean it only makes sense!)

Raise Your Hand If …

You’ve ever …

• cried yourself to sleep
• peed in a pool or lake
• masturbated furiously
• thought dirty thoughts about someone you really shouldn’t have
• farted and tried to blame it on someone else
• burped even worse than Barney from the Simpsons
• thrown up or forgot things as a result of drinking too much

I know I’ve done most, if not all of those things. What, an open book can’t have SOME mystery?) And so have most of you. In fact, as humans we’ve all experienced moments of grossness, despair and total ick.

Why am I mentioning it? Well, just as a Sunday afternoon reminder that we’re all human. When you’re feeling low and down on yourself, remember that everyone you admire is (probably) human too. They sweat, they poop, they make mistakes. While they have those amazing moments of pure sexiness, or accomplishment or whatever it is you enjoy about them … they are human, just like you.

Hey, even the Queen has to take a dump every now and then.

Happy Birthday Husband!

Through thick and thin, this man has been with me for 9 years and deserves a little blog post on his birthday that doesn’t involve me saying we’re not having enough sex or that he didn’t text me when he was supposed to.

Fuck all that noise. (Today.)  Happy Birthday Steph!

Thanks for supporting me always. For letting me quit my job to follow my dreams. For being cool with us doing it with other people and for cleaning up Pandora’s poop, among many other things.

I Saved A Bird. It Made My Day.

This has absolutely nothing to do with sex, love, polyamory or monogamy, but it made me happy so I’m sharing.

Yesterday … I saved a bird.

Nothing to see here. Just a bird in an elevator.

Porn Reborn – A Summary

Recently I had the pleasure of attending Porn Reborn – New Movements and Markets in Pornography with my dear friend Tara McKee, sex educator and workshop facilitator for Good For Her, put on by SDSSU. The SDSSU is the undergraduate course union for everyone who has ever taken a Sexual Diversity Studies course at the University of Toronto.

Porn is absolutely not something I’m an expert on. Sure, I have a website link bookmarked on my iPhone, but I actually only own 1 movie and I got that for free at the Everything To Do With Sex Show a few years ago. (And ick, it’s so terrible!)