For those who have read this post already, here’s a fun little link that you might enjoy that is very much related. Skip along to 3:25 if you want to avoid the ad. http://microsites.ign.com/energizer
In this household video games are usually encouraged. Steph works for a game company and we both used to work together at the same game company until it went under. Sometimes though games can really get in the way of a happy home (translation sex) life, as happened recently with Fallout 3.
What? This image doesn't inspire you to remove pants either?
Fallout 3, in my own words, is a “choose your own adventure post-apocalyptic wasteland blow people up and don’t engage the audience less the player” game. It is I know, very fun to play but it is absolute pure boredom to watch as a spectator. Watching Steph’s character running through a nuclear wasteland for hours on end is surprisingly not something that brought us closer together. Who knew!? I was forced to do my own thing – usually on good ol’ lappy here talking to other people besides him.
Ok ok, so it’s not like I’m usually not on the laptop. If I’m not writing I am talking to people or we’re watching another silly video together, but the difference is that I am happy to stop so that we can enjoy something as a couple. I can close it up and we can snuggle and watch the Daily Show together. We can talk and not really pay attention to the tv and actually listen to each other. When he was playing Fallout though, I stood no chance at getting him to interact with me.
To be fair, that makes for a good game. Something that immerses the player so much that they are lost in the environment, the atmosphere and the story. I definitely don’t begrudge him for enjoying himself. It is something he loves to do and we are all allowed a hobby or four. What I started to notice though, after a few weeks of him playing almost every night was that I was constantly angry with him. My patience was non-existent and it seemed that everything he did or said set me off and sometimes I couldn’t stand to be around him. It felt like I was PMS’ing hardcore for three weeks straight. Nightmare, right ladies?
It took a while but I finally figured out what was causing all this tension. By him playing the game until bedtime, he would exhaust himself. We wouldn’t share any laughs over the Daily Show or Colbert because when I would tell him it was on, he’d say “Meh” and we wouldn’t bother watching. We would sit apart from each other for hours in the evening, the only time during the week that we have to see each other. I felt no intimacy, no connection with him. We were … in a big rut. t the end of the day I was choosing to secretly hang out with Hand over him. It reminded me of our lives together before we were open. We went through a big phase – that non-monogamy helped fix – of me feeling like his non-sexual best friend. Anyone that knows me well will probably agree that I don’t do very well when I’m feeling non-sexual!
As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts it’s not his sole responsibility to ensure that intimacy exists between the two of us. Every couple consists of two people and you are both equally responsible for bringing it to the table. (Or the bed, kitchen counter, bathroom … whatever.) In this situation that was definitely made more difficult by his total disconnect from our sexual relationship. Since the rut has ended he has told me that had I made myself available he would have gladly dropped the controller and done whatever nasty deeds I had suggested at the time, but I didn’t feel like that was something I could do. In a way, it would have felt pathetic.
Hey babe, I don’t mean to interrupt your game, but can you fuck me now? I’m feeling kind of lonely.
I know doing the above is sometimes the advice I give to people because it can work for some, but personally I work better with a team effort. What finally brought us out of the rut was having a conversation where we both recognized what was happening. He wasn’t enjoying me being a cunt with him any more than I was enjoying being one. He had finally beaten the game (which was helpful) and we both realized that we needed some major relationship attention.
Rut free again
But how do you get out of a rut that is directly caused by a lack of connection for weeks? Do you attempt gentle touch, candles and romantic music? Not so much for me. If we haven’t been able to romantically feel each other for a while, forcing it would have never worked. As has happened in the past when we’ve tried that, I’ll usually find some reason to complain about the situation. Making out giving me more time to reflect and then resent him for not kissing my lips like that sooner. It’s ridiculous, I know, but there it is. I’ll take romance after some good old fashioned “get to the point” fucking, thank you very much.
So get to the point, we did. Sometimes all we need to climb out of a seemingly endless pit is to remove clothing and do it – quick, dirty and raw. Just enough to spark us to want to do it again and avoid that rut like hole.
Fallout – 1. Relationship – 2. Game over.
P.S. I’m putting my foot down on the expansion packs.
Filed under: Communication, Disaster, Issues, Love, Marriage, Open relationships, Polyamory, Self esteem, Sex | Tagged: Fallout, Rut, Video Games | Leave a comment »
Not Your Mother's Playground 